so this is how it feels.
I needed an outlet right now.
Just to say what I feel. It really doesn’t help that monoxious is experiencing some screwy database update that basically killed the whole site for a good 51hrs so far. And that took away my only other outlet for distraction from all this mess I am facing.
Extremely grateful for friends who will stand fiercely with me and defend me in times of need and even the support of Dawn’s mum made me cry uncontrollably. I’m sorry I haven’t shared much to some people, I just didn’t think it was necessary, it’s just going to be repeating the pain. I’ve only spoken to 3 person directly about it so far. You know who you guys are.
I detest crying and I’d like to think that it takes a lot more for me to cry these days but it feels much worse when you stop yourself from crying thinking you’re stronger. I’m not that brave after all and there’s so many questions in my head that keeps running especially before my sleep.
Which brings me to the point of me sleeping for only 1 hr after staying up for 38hours. It wasn’t deliberate. This has to set some record for super emo-ness but unfortunately I can’t help it.
Are we all justified to wallow in self-pity for awhile? It just doesn’t seem right when to get attention for pity. I don’t like being pitied either.
I placed so much trust in a person I didn’t really know. The way it backfired just set me back in so much shock and pain that thinking about it made me want to hurl. Like literally wanna hurl. It’s such a sick feeling in the stomach.
There’s no point to this blog post.
I just needed to say:
“so this is how it feels.”
